Rationally believing that his dreams were far out of reach, he settled for an ordinary timeline: Finish college, work in family retail business, and get married—narrowing the highlights of life to creating a family and celebrating all holidays. It was a plan to settle in early and easy. It didn’t go that way.
As the years went on, his timeline swerved in ways he had never imagined: Used to break-up a marriage, dated a drug dealer, accused of being a pervert, slept with a demure woman half his age, who disguised her centerfold body. Every strategy to get back to normal led to unexpected adventures, narrow escapes, and career success.
However, when he reached the age of forty-seven and still unmarried, he became convinced that he had numerous bizarre personal habits to hide, not to mention interference from the Almighty.
Mostly True!
Chapter Titles -- 312 pages
- Timeline Traveling
- 47 and Not Married: What Am I Going to Tell My Wife?
- The Years Before I Got Married
- She Would Have Been the One
- Sexually Stupid
- Palm Springs to Suspicion of Murder
- Hacking the Game
- Desperately Dating Friends
- Lost in a Dream
- Original Intervention
- Proof of Divine Intervention
- As the Years Went On, the Years Went On
About the Author
After traveling around the U.S. in his car for one year, Michael Katzman returned to the family business while he continued to write. When it became obvious that he wouldn't be gaining success anytime soon, he intended to live out his life in the family business in Palm Springs. When that didn't work out, he returned to the university, became a teacher, computer programmer, graphic designer, data analyst, and producer of a number of stage productions that were seen by over 70,000 secondary school students.
Acknowledgements
Edited by Elaine Bernstein Partnow and Susan Pleskus Katzman
Timeline Traveling
As I sat at my desk, looking for the materials I needed for my next class, some students approached and stood rigid and confrontational before me. “Okay, Ms. Carrillo, what can I do for you? You’ll be late for your next class. “
“You should get married, Mr. Katz!” She and her comadres left the room in animated discussion.
I sighed, “What do you think I’ve been trying to do?”
47 and Not Married:
What Am I Going to Tell My Wife?
I thought the class would be laughing at my pain, but after the last story, they sat in stunned silence. The wise-mouth asked, “Mr. Katz, I don’t want to appear dumb. Did I understand you correctly? You are my teacher and you were dating a drug dealer?”
The Years Just Before We Got Married
“I told you I only had one husband. The others were... They were opportunities.”
“Opportunities? Was I an opportunity?”
“Fuck you! And yes, you were, but you were more than a sexual opportunity. I wasn’t really that attracted to you. You were something I hadn’t experienced before.”
“From what I hear, you could have had better opportunities in the office. The men were—still are—chattering about you.”
“I know, but I wanted to experience a wise-ass, normal looking, white Jewish guy, and are you going to share that ice cream or not?”
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